My Most Popular Tweets

Screenshot 2015-03-29 21.24.40

Maybe not as prolific as most twitterers, I still am proud of some of my tweets from the past.  Here is an assortment of some of my favorites.

  • If “lazy” is texting your wife so she can come into the room to find the remote, then yes – I’m lazy.
  • Winston Churchill said it best – “Bitches be trippin'”
  • Call me crazy, but there’s a giant purple salamander on your head and he has a gun.
  • If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: keep track of how many times you say things.
  • In the future, jazz hands replaces the high five for all sports celebrations.
  • Looking to spice up a Saturday night? Two words: Sock Puppets.
  • So apparently you’re supposed to use the changing room when trying on clothes at Macy’s. My bad.
  • My wife told me to get in shape. I chose a rhombus.
  • First of all you rolled a 6 not a 10. Second, I own Park Place. And third, I’m the thimble. – Me playing Monopoly with my Grandma.
  • “I’m so tired of this crap.” – middle aged dung beetle
  • When life gives you lemons tell life you want exclusive distribution rights – and then kick ass with your new company – Lemons R Us!
  • No one can make you feel inferior without the help of your family and friends.

These and more are located on favstar.  Retweets are welcome!  😉

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About themacmind

Trying to stay creative in an often boring world (one post at a time)
This entry was posted in Comedy, Fun, Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

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