Maybe not as prolific as most twitterers, I still am proud of some of my tweets from the past. Here is an assortment of some of my favorites.
- If “lazy” is texting your wife so she can come into the room to find the remote, then yes – I’m lazy.
- Winston Churchill said it best – “Bitches be trippin'”
- Call me crazy, but there’s a giant purple salamander on your head and he has a gun.
- If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: keep track of how many times you say things.
- In the future, jazz hands replaces the high five for all sports celebrations.
- Looking to spice up a Saturday night? Two words: Sock Puppets.
- So apparently you’re supposed to use the changing room when trying on clothes at Macy’s. My bad.
- My wife told me to get in shape. I chose a rhombus.
- First of all you rolled a 6 not a 10. Second, I own Park Place. And third, I’m the thimble. – Me playing Monopoly with my Grandma.
- “I’m so tired of this crap.” – middle aged dung beetle
- When life gives you lemons tell life you want exclusive distribution rights – and then kick ass with your new company – Lemons R Us!
- No one can make you feel inferior without the help of your family and friends.
These and more are located on favstar. Retweets are welcome! 😉